"Raising a kid is part joy and part guerrilla warfare."
~Ed Asner

Thursday, September 23, 2010

A Letter

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus,

Thank You for giving me a 'lil fun and sweet, non violent, time with Noah tonight.  However, I'm still recovering from the week of hell that is almost over, fist pump, and will not be able to post much tonight.  I'm going to chill on the couch and drink my beer (hello, root beer...just keeping it real) and watch a little CSI before nodding off into dreamland, which I'm hoping will not be filled with any of the crazy, weird stuff I dreamed last night.  While we're on the subject would it be possible for me to dream about more pleasant things like going on a nice, long vacation; traveling to exotic places, maybe sunbathing on a perfect beach with white sand and crystal blue water; having a massage and getting a facial; oh, oh, a head massage would be nice too.  Could I dream about folding my laundry without Beast jumping headfirst into the neatly folded pile covered in the remains of his peanut butter sandwich; lying down without automatically being turned into a trampoline which always results in a body part being slammed into my face; being able to take a shower with the curtain closed and not having to console my son who thinks he'll never see me again (even though I'm just taking a shower); being able to shop for groceries without Beast kicking and screaming "No!" at me because he wants...well, actually I don't what he wants.  I'm not even sure he knows what he wants.  But you do because...Well, you're Jesus.  So maybe you could tell me what he wants or better yet, tell him that everything is going to be okay and it's unnecessary to throw a temper tantrum (i.e. kicking, screaming, pulling sister's hair, shouting "No!", sobbing "Mamie", snot pouring down face, yelling at the cashier, throwing objects...) for two hours.  Also, if you could give me some of the energy that Beast had after all that, I would really appreciate it.  I have one more request.  Could you please give my daughter the occasional reminder to look where she's going when she's walking so we don't have another incident like last night?  I don't know what she was looking at behind her but she missed the wall in front of her, until it slammed her in the side of the face.  We asked you last night to take her pain away and it looks and feels much better this morning but her jaw is still a little sore so maybe you could soothe her face tonight while she sleeps.     

To be honest, you would know, all I really want is some sweet, undisturbed, restful sleep.


P.S.  I made this cake a couple of days ago.  It reminded me of heaven.

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